My friends on the mainland think just because I live in Hawai’i, I live in paradise. Like a permanent vacation — we’re all just out here drinking maitais, shaking our hips, and catching waves. Are they nuts? How can they possibly think our families are less screwed up, our heart attacks and cancers less fatal, our grief less devastating?
– Matt King, The Descendants
I had a bad day today. It wasn’t one of those ‘every thing just went wrong’ days, nor did I have a huge fight or even a disagreement with anyone.
I just woke up, and I felt awful. As if that – feeling as if something’s amiss even though you cannot put your finger on it at all – wasn’t bad enough. I had to contend with the guilt of feeling lousy when I’m on a break.
Because people on a break shouldn’t complain, should they? For them, life is all sunshine and rainbows and farts smell like cotton candy.
But the reality just isn’t the case. We just have bad days. And bad days hit without warning; without reasons or excuses. It doesn’t make it any better that I don’t have to be at work, because at least at work, I’d have D, Evie, Nana and Shaz. It doesn’t help that everyone’s working and too busy to talk. I don’t wanna get out. I don’t want to be home. I just want to skip today and fast forward to tomorrow. That’s it.
I decided that the only thing to do was to do something. Something unfamiliar and uncertain – so I can transfer my energy and focus elsewhere and worry about something other than my invisible problem.
I decided the something I was to do had to involve chocolate. (And I’m not even a chocoholic. I don’t generally crave it. But I need it now. See how bad this day is?)
I’d wanted an absolutely sinful, decadent cupcake with gloopy, thick, gleaming icing at first. But. I didn’t have the sour cream or sour milk required and I didn’t particularly want to head out.
Then. Eureka! Chocolate Bread.
Google presented David Lebovitz’s Chocolate Bread recipe, and I think to myself, “David Lebovitz?! Am I really up for thatt?”
But I did it anyway. If it’s a success, I might just feel fractionally better. If it’s messed up, I blame today.
I must say though, getting into it, especially when I’m dead scared of messing up and wasting all those ingredients, took my mind off everything. I was distracted by the focus needed (if that made any sense at all) to not burn the chocolate… or the kitchen for that matter.
Ready to Knead
As I was kneading the dough, getting my hands all dirty – my favourite part of bread-making – I realised that I had a problem. Problem was… the rising and re-rising and baking and cooling will mean that any emotional salvation, if at all, will come only 5 or 6 hours later.
Excessive goodies to make the darkness disappear.
Finally… After the longggg longgggggg wait…
This. Was. Squeal-inducing.
Yes. Someone literally squealed looking at it. And when I tried it, it was moist on the inside, with a slight crunch on the crust. I couldn’t quite believe it was so good, so I had another piece.
So at 9pm or so… the dimness of the day finally faded a little.
(Until some ^@TE%&^(!*@&*EY called and really couldn’t be bothered to have a decent conversation and ruined my chocolate high again. C, you’re an !@#$%^&*.)
Anyway… I’ll bounce back, eventually.
In the meantime, if you’d like to follow David Lebovitz’s fantastic Chocolate Bread recipe – it helps to read through everything, no just the recipe itself. I picked up the great tip of adding 1/8 teaspoon of baking powder to my natural processed cocoa powder thanks to the comments left by some helpful fans.
May French Class and French Teacher perk me up tomorrow. Cos if Fun + Eye Candy + Chocolate don’t do the trick, I doubt anything will. =/