I live!

So it’s been close to two months since I last posted a word.

Yes, I am very ashamed, but I assure you, I have been busy as a little bee and undoubtedly, a tad lazy as well.

I lose track of time easily… Attributing that to the fact that I work on a freelance basis do nothing these days is inaccurate, of course. I’d never been blessed with the gift of tracking minutes, hours, days and such.

So imagine my shock when I was waiting in the car for B after I’d dropped him off to pick up a few things at the supermarket, and I heard November Rain playing on the radio. It was raining. It was November. (How poetic.)

Oh wait.

IT IS NOVEMBER!

ONE MONTH TO DECEMBER!

DECEMBER!

2013 IS COMING!

Internal Panic Ensues. (While on the outside I maintained a steely calmness congruent to the stormy skies, etc..

It’s almost a year since I became part of the unemployed statistic. I have learned so much, gained so much, loved, laughed, cried so much.

I have lost track of time. And it is not a bad thing, because I’ve learnt to count time by the experiences I’ve had, the people I get to meet on slated days, the determination to have a good day this day, today.

Numerically, my days, hours, and minutes are not that different from another person’s. (Long as they are on Earth.)

But emotionally, and dare I say, spiritually… I pass time using my own measurements.

More, soon.

Here we go again!

Back with a new project.

Today marks the start of a new project: fresh faces, fresh moves, fresh start.

Day one of rehearsals always gets me really nervous. How will I measure up? How will I cope? How will I fit in?

That, combined with the excitement of learning something new, is a potent mix.

I can’t go into much now – Rehearsal #1 is still 3 hours away. But the buzz is certainly kicking in.

How is this experience different from starting out at Dream Country though? Well, I will not be mentored by Char for one. And that essentially means zero familiarity and maximum anxiety. Also, Bestie is out of town for this entire duration with limited to zero contact with the digital world… which just means I’ll have to pent up all the goodness and badness of my days to come until he returns.

My nights have been wrought with all sorts of bizarre dreams. Shakespeare printed onto retro rock-styled t-shirts, lost objects found, people crowded into spaces too small… Please, all of you, fingers crossed for me!

That said, I’m headed off to Koh Samui on a four-day mission with my cameras. Already, I’m beating myself up over the 4 rehearsals and 2 French classes I am missing. Again… my high school ghosts are catching up with me. “How can you skip town? How can you miss lessons? That’s truancy!” I know. I have too many voices in my head and I give them too much credit.

In the meantime though, I know I still have to lay the Berlin spirits to rest. Right on to the next post!

I need some time…

I’m not in a good place right now.

But I am trying.

I’m still going at that positive energy thing despite the… everything.

I woke up to go to class even though I just wanted to hole myself in… possibly forever.

I stayed back to study with M till late even though I wanted to excuse myself and go back to bed.

I bruised my brain trying to unravel the mysteries of French Gender even though I wanted to devote every precious second to moping.

And I am glad to have hung in there.

Because  I was left a note in the morning by B…

And I got a call from Aa just as I’d finished texting her…

MB texted me when she had all but 8% left in her phone… and she finished the much needed counselling just as it hit 1%.

And Shaz. I got off a stop earlier on the train because I didn’t get her call. Went to look for something I needed in the kitchen and couldn’t find it at all. Decided not to take the bus. Took the train to my shuttle stop. Got there 20 minutes earlier. Decided to walk the first floor of a mall through an entrance I almost never take. And there she was. By a shop I never knew existed.

Then someone said something that reminded me of a quote that I’d forgotten for a while, but couldn’t have come at a better time… “Everything is going to be alright in the end. If it is not alright… Then it is not the end.”

If that’s not a sign that my… OUR guardian angel is telling me to hang in there… I don’t know what is.

So thank you… all of you.

 

Hey M… I am… We are… Counting on you now.

Bad Kitty.

Eek! How did I ever let a month (close enough) go by without posting anything?

Bad, bad kitty.

Truth is, I have still been writing constantly, albeit mainly doing lines over and over again, in French.

I’ve always loved languages – writing it, reading it, hearing it – so keeping myself motivated wasn’t hard at all.

As it happens, it is only too easy for me to get over-motivated and started banging away on French everything like a language-learning Nazi really. I have my beloved secondary school to thank for that – Diligence  is one of the school values widely extolled. Where did the fascist attitude come from? Well… we were chased from spot to spot by someone blowing on a police whistle; our hair lengths were scrutinised frequently (nothing below our cold, trembling earlobes). Read: Discipline (and Nazi-ish nitpicking). Can I just say though, I honestly LOVED that school. But that’s another story altogether.

Anyway… Not contented with just taking my tutor’s word when it comes to the prickly subject of ‘en’, ‘à’, ‘de’ and the million other split personalities these annoying lil’ buggers come in, I *had* to go research on what it means when the same word morphs and mutates into partitives, pronouns, prepositions and monsters.

Sometimes I made progress and I feel like the champion of the world. As if my legs had grown two-inches longer.

Other times… many times (Though not most times, thankfully.)… La tête just goes… vide.

Like when I figured out preposition à is for ‘going to’ and preposition de is for ‘coming from’ and then I turn a page and the article de that roughly translates to ‘some’ and ‘any’ swings by to say ‘Hi’ while swiftly being chased down by en, which can be both a preposition and also a pronoun.

Oui.

And I can’t let it go.

I. Can’t. Let. It. Go.

My school motto demands that I get to the bottom of things. And to the bottom of things I got to.

With these…

Yes. I applied a filter to make it look nicer. Hurhurhur.

So what did I discover at the bottom of the pile?

Me. Lying rather lifeless. With a very firm and fit writing arm all sinewy and Michelle Obama-y from all the copying and writing and rewriting I was doing.

Not too bad, I’d have to say. (I’m shallow. You mean you didn’t know?)

Just last night I’ve started dreaming in French… though I can’t be sure if it was actual accurate French, at least I can say that without a doubt, my subconscious recognised it as awesomely fluent French.

So now the conscious me just has to catch up with my subconscious half.

Tonight, we conquer French Gender.

Ninja! Peace out.

 

More, from Amsterdam Strolling.

Yes, this post took a while. But it does take a while to sort, edit and load when you have taken 2000 pictures. Berlin, soon. xx

The yard.

To quote Marco Pierre White, “Mother Nature is the true artist.” 

Working out my thighs at Madurodam, Scheveningen.

Life’s too short to not wear what you love.

Blown away at Scheveningen beach.

Feast by the Beach.

Fancy a wash on the streets?

Hear, hear!

 Agreed.

KITTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kebab master at work. 

 

From one Dream, to another Country.

Making a splash

It’s been four days since the proverbial curtains closed on Dream Country, and I’ve only just found the time and emotional strength to talk about one of the most enriching, demanding, beautiful, and intimidating experiences of my life (thus far, … Continue reading