I live!

So it’s been close to two months since I last posted a word.

Yes, I am very ashamed, but I assure you, I have been busy as a little bee and undoubtedly, a tad lazy as well.

I lose track of time easily… Attributing that to the fact that I work on a freelance basis do nothing these days is inaccurate, of course. I’d never been blessed with the gift of tracking minutes, hours, days and such.

So imagine my shock when I was waiting in the car for B after I’d dropped him off to pick up a few things at the supermarket, and I heard November Rain playing on the radio. It was raining. It was November. (How poetic.)

Oh wait.





Internal Panic Ensues. (While on the outside I maintained a steely calmness congruent to the stormy skies, etc..

It’s almost a year since I became part of the unemployed statistic. I have learned so much, gained so much, loved, laughed, cried so much.

I have lost track of time. And it is not a bad thing, because I’ve learnt to count time by the experiences I’ve had, the people I get to meet on slated days, the determination to have a good day this day, today.

Numerically, my days, hours, and minutes are not that different from another person’s. (Long as they are on Earth.)

But emotionally, and dare I say, spiritually… I pass time using my own measurements.

More, soon.


I need some time…

I’m not in a good place right now.

But I am trying.

I’m still going at that positive energy thing despite the… everything.

I woke up to go to class even though I just wanted to hole myself in… possibly forever.

I stayed back to study with M till late even though I wanted to excuse myself and go back to bed.

I bruised my brain trying to unravel the mysteries of French Gender even though I wanted to devote every precious second to moping.

And I am glad to have hung in there.

Because  I was left a note in the morning by B…

And I got a call from Aa just as I’d finished texting her…

MB texted me when she had all but 8% left in her phone… and she finished the much needed counselling just as it hit 1%.

And Shaz. I got off a stop earlier on the train because I didn’t get her call. Went to look for something I needed in the kitchen and couldn’t find it at all. Decided not to take the bus. Took the train to my shuttle stop. Got there 20 minutes earlier. Decided to walk the first floor of a mall through an entrance I almost never take. And there she was. By a shop I never knew existed.

Then someone said something that reminded me of a quote that I’d forgotten for a while, but couldn’t have come at a better time… “Everything is going to be alright in the end. If it is not alright… Then it is not the end.”

If that’s not a sign that my… OUR guardian angel is telling me to hang in there… I don’t know what is.

So thank you… all of you.


Hey M… I am… We are… Counting on you now.

From one Dream, to another Country.

It’s been four days since the proverbial curtains closed on Dream Country, and I’ve only just found the time and emotional strength to talk about one of the most enriching, demanding, beautiful, and intimidating experiences of my life (thus far, … Continue reading

Three Month Mark

It’s been three months since I left work and I have…

Gone for a music festival – St Jerome’ Laneway Festival (Does Coachella over Youtube count as a second one? =D)

Gone for a concert – toe, Mosaic (I see me =D)

Attended a Butoh Workshop with Alb and Kai

Watched a play

Ironed all my darn clothes

Studied French

Watched movies – 300, Amélie, Any Given Sunday, Delicatessen, Fight Club, Infernal Affairs, L’Auberge Espagnole, La Combe Lucien, Les Petits Mouchoirs, Lost in Translation, Machuca, Melancholia, The Descendants, The Girl who Kicked the Hornet’s Nest, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (Swedish and English Versions), The Godfather I, II and III, The Iron Lady, The Lady

Read – Olivia (in French), Lady Chatterley’s Lover, The Great Frustration, There Once Lived a Woman Who Tried to Kill Her Neighbor’s Baby, Why Be Happy When You Could Be Normal?

Worked out (almost) every day

Made crème brúlée (got my own blow torch), made pasta, bread, jam.

Picked up driving

Visited the museum – Titanic: The Artifact Exhibition

Organised the wardrobe and accessories …

Supported Soccer games…

Made new friends…

Most importantly…

Reconnected with loved ones I’ve neglected – Momo, Sis-es, Melb, K, Hui, Xiu, Shus, Bestie, SQ, B

Three months have passed.

And that feeling that time is running out sneaks up on me and teases that panic button ever so often. But it is also that sense of the inevitable end; those limits, that force us to get out there and push ourselves further and harder, so I am thankful.

No time to lament or feel sorry. Not today at least.

Loads more I’ve yet to accomplish, and loads more to come – driving examination, Arts Festival performance, N’s wedding and my long-awaited Berlin visit. (Tokyo soon, I hope!)

And oh yes. I’ve started this humble little blog. This is my 80th post.

Intolerable Rudeness.

This post may not sit well with some of you, but if you are reading it now, that also means that I have put it up ANYWAY.

It is not about moms.

It is not about children.

It isn’t about prams, or maids.

What it is about, is the obnoxious selfish people who think the world should bow down to them because they have children and maids and prams.

I get crying children. That’s not your fault. Kids cry. I cringe sometimes when they are indoors, but I get it.

I get maids. Often, they are trapped in unenviable positions, wedged between their bosses and the little Csars.

I get gigantic prams. I love the ones in Finland which are the size of a tiny car and can probably literally run people over.

What I don’t get, are rude people who have no shred of consideration for others around them, yet expect people to treat them as if they are royalty.

So I was making my way to an appointment this morning. I was early. Not in a hurry at all. In fact, I usually go on the right side (the ‘express’ side in Singapore) of the escalators and move speedily up/down. It’s a habit. Today, I did not. I cruised. I let the world go by. That is, until I was literally stopped in my tracks and I collided with a world completely alien from mine.

I was about to get on another descending escalator when a woman with two maids and two kids in tow cut into my path. Now I was brought up to let people pass before myself unless I was in an absolute rush, or at risk of being a hazard to others, so I let them go first and waited by the side.

Maid #1 was pushing the pram with a ‘big child’. Oxymoronic, I know. But I don’t mean that he was overweight. He was just too old to be in that pram. Too old to be in ANY pram for that matter. He could speak very well. He was a decent grown boy’s size. Anyway, Maid #1 was gingerly stepping on to the moving escalator as Woman/Employer told her to get on it backwards. (So it is safer for her child, but not at all safe for the maid. But who cares, right? Definitely not her.) Maid #1 kept to the left.

Woman/Employer stepped on. Went to the right of the escalator. And stood there blocking everyone else’s way.

Maid #2 was just about to step on the escalator with Older Boy (and I was all lined up behind her) when Older Boy darted away from her because he had seen a screen playing MTV and there was a ‘fairy’ that was ‘very nice’. All good. You like fairies. I like fairies. Only problem is, he almost knocked into me, and his poor maid had to stop suddenly, and I almost knocked into her. ON AN ESCALATOR. Not fun.

Nevertheless, I made it pass Maid #2, who had to seize Older Boy, and now stood 3 steps away from Woman/Employer, Maid #1 and Big Child. Yes. I value my personal space when I’m out. I think it’s creepy to stand on the next immediate step on an escalator. I also think it is safer to have some space between people when they are moving along. Driving lessons 101.

I was trapped though. I couldn’t move pass them because Woman/Employer does not know how to properly line herself up on the escalator, so I waited. Cruising along on the escalator. Letting the escalator do its job.

Until we reached the botttom of the escalator.

That is…



Because Maid #1 was stuck heaving Big Child out of the way and Woman/Employer was on the wrong side, blocking everyone’s way; my three-step-gap quickly turned into a no-step-gap with no means of retreat because Maid #2 and fairy-loving Older Boy were right behind and BAM. I was shoved into Woman/Employer’s back.

Yes. We made bodily contact.




Bodily Contact.

I did the only thing I could then, which was let out a shrill/shriek/yelp/shout that went like, “Eksskiussmeeeeee~!”

Woman/Employer was not pleased. She didn’t even turn. Didn’t apologise. Just shouted ahead very loudly, “That’s a pram okay! Cannot be a bit more patient?!”

My groin still attached to her (eww) back, I somehow managed to slip myself out of the way without tripping over and consequently smothering Big Child, and gave her my trademark “narrows eyes squint”.

How was I not patient? If some stranger had their bodies pressed up to her kids, would she ask them to be patient?! Did she desire my tender touch?! Would she want me to step on her precious pram and parkour myself out of the obstacle that was her entourage?!

I wanted to slap her. I wanted to say a lot of bad things relating to human body parts and activities people conduct with those human body parts.

But I just went, “YUCK. SIAO*!” Not very gratifying, I know. But I’m not generally a confrontational person, and if anything, I know how to behave in front of young kids. Besides, attempting to reason/argue with The Mad is madness itself.

But really, if I get to see that crazy *&!^* again and give her a piece of my mind, I’d love to remind her, Woman… The more you refuse to budge for the people around you, the more unattractive you are. Besides… who do you think you are? Don’t expect the world to stop at the snap of your fingers (or the escalators to stop moving for that matter). Oh, and the faster you learn that cruel fact of life before your children take after your dazzling display of lack of manners, the better.

*Siao (Dialect: Hokkien): Crazy

I love you, Stupid.

Can I just start off by saying that I did a good deed today? (Yayyyy!)

It started pouring on the way to the driving centre and when I alighted at the bus stop outside the centre, a girl was trapped there with no umbrella. I asked if she needed a ‘lift’ from my lil’ red brolly and we pretty much swam into school together.

I had just enough time to check the car allocated to me for the day, and find out that……. my phone was swimming in the rain as well.

My water-resistant backpack had somehow managed to resist the rain off every bit of the darn bag except for the compartment I’d put my phone in.

Let me answer that sacred question for you before you even ask it.

No. It’s not an iPhone. It’s not even a Smart Phone. In fact, it’s Stupid, and I loveeee it.

Don’t get me wrong. I think Smart Phones are great. They are smart. And how I’d love to know when the next bus is coming (Yes , Fi, I’m with you.). But my heart will always be with Stupid Phones.

For one, I can text while I’m running on the treadmill. (For trained professionals only. Do not attempt.)

I don’t have to stop while walking to compose a long exciting message. (And be a hazard to or obstruct other people who might be in a hurry. *Hinthinthint*)

Heck, I don’t even have to look at the screen when I’m texting.

I love that it isn’t cumbersome and overladen with functions that don’t actually… function. For me at least. (Scroll through the crazy long list to find someone I need to call urgently? No thanks.)

I love that it is simple and does what I need it to do – make calls.

I love that it makes me keep an actual written organiser – which also means that even now, when phone is drifting on the technological River Styx (so to speak), I still know when all my classes and appointments are.

Which reminds me, I’m supposed to rush off to meet the cousins now.

Dear Stupid…

I have left you in Intensive Care (aka between my mio and SCV set up boxes to dry in gentle heat). Be strong. Please pull through for you… for me… for both of us.